More Conversations and Less Declarations | Conversations With the Browns
A conversation about the current protests about racism
My wife, Andrea, and I stopped our breakfast to have a conversation about the current protests about racism. We are hearing a lot of declarations being made, but not a lot of conversations. In this video, we explain what we mean by that.
Declarations vs. conversations
Dictionary.com defines the word declare in a few ways. To declare something means “to make known or state clearly, especially in explicit or formal terms; to announce officially; proclaim; to state emphatically.”
Dictionary.com defines the word conversation as an “informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words; oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.”
We are finding that the news and information on the internet makes a lot of declarations. Those declarations may or may not all be true. We are also finding that it’s easier to make declarations than to have conversations.
How the internet can affect your perspective
This morning I woke up and I didn’t want to look at the news, but my news app popped up about events that took place overnight. Right away, I started to feel the angst of reading and getting caught up in what new developments had taken place. I just had to stop. I decided to start my day with PB&J: Prayer, Bible & Journal.
God reminded me of Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” God is working things out for His glory and our good and those two things are not in competition with each other.
That became my declaration from God and that’s how I want to start my conversations for the day. I didn’t need to grasp for my declaration. My declaration has substance because the substance comes from God. My whole perspective for the day has changed because it came from God. Now all my conversations will be guided by that instead of what everyone else has to say.
Andrea made a good point: the internet and social media are built in such a way that it is more conducive to declaring things rather than having an actual conversation. There are people trying to have conversations and inviting people to have conversations, but when emotions are running really high or when it’s complex or there’s so much we don’t know, it’s a place where there is a lot of declaring instead of conversing. The internet is not always a good space for having a conversation.
Internet algorithms are designed to show you what it thinks you want. They are designed to narrow down the voices that you’re hearing and specifically to filter the content you see toward a product you can purchase.
When we keep that in mind, we start to see that our news may be shaped a certain way for us. That filtering starts to affect our perspective of the world. When we only receive information from a certain source or in a certain way our perspective becomes very narrow. We cannot see all sides of the story. This is not the best way to get our perspective and information from the world.
Aren’t posts and comments conversations?
Many people can agree that we need conversations right now. Unfortunately, some people think that simply posting or commenting on content is enough. A post here or a comment there are all declarations. They are not conversations and here’s why.
When you make a post or a comment it’s in written form. A lot of what makes a conversation engaging is lost in written form. You miss body language and the things that give context to a conversation.
In-person, when someone expresses an opinion, a thought, or idea, you also get their emotion, their body language, and you get the context it was said in. Also, the person you are talking to can read you and how their words are being received in real-time.
It can be tricky to have an online conversation with people. So much of commenting is lots of little mini declarations being lobbed back and forth. We stop thinking about the other person and how they are feeling. We don’t realize we aren’t running through the filters of who the message came from, how they are feeling, what context it was said in, and where the information is coming from. Comments can quickly turn into attacks.
Are you on the amp wheel?
The constant flow of declarations can put us on the amp wheel. We get amped up and more upset and frustrated about the situation, but we don’t have real answers. We just continue to spin the amp wheel, but it takes us nowhere.
With the recent protests over racism, you may keep thinking over and over again about declarations people have said. There are declarations about your skin color and whether or not you’re a racist. You may not know what to say to people who are of another skin color than you. So what do you do? You feel powerless that your words can have a positive effect, so you leave the conversation and don’t say anything.
It’s hard to stay in a conversation when everyone is just yelling stuff. You can’t have a conversation with people who want to have a declaration. There doesn’t seem to be a good response. A response would only be another declaration and it might not be received very well.
Instead of the internet, where should we be going to have conversations and to get our declarations?
Conversations are so important and it’s important to have those conversations in person. We try to fix problems in our nation through conversation, but we don’t even talk to our neighbors. Conversations with our neighbors go to our communities. We need to have these conversations because what’s going on in our communities is not the same as what’s going on in other parts of the nation.
Our conversations don’t have to be about race. We need to get to know people and hear their stories. We can fall into the trap of basing what we think about people on our own experiences rather than finding out who people are based on their experiences. It’s hard work to have real conversations. It takes more time to get to know people as individuals and hear their stories than it does to assume what people’s stories are.
There is only one who should be making declarations and that’s God. It’s not about not engaging in dialogue with people. First, we need to hop off the amp wheel and spend some time with God, the one who gets to make declarations. Once we’ve backed off and done that, we are in a better place to come to the table and hear other people’s perspectives.
We can start by asking God every day, “What does faithfulness look like for me?” When the internet is yelling at me and declaring what I should be doing, what does the God of the universe declare? If I am willing to trust His voice, His Word, and practice obedience, He will lead me in obedience in really big and risky things. If we can’t trust Him with little things like turning your phone off and spending time with your family, how can we trust Him with the big things?
Even before conversations and relationships start in our neighborhoods and our nation, it needs to start at home. When we are on the amp wheel of what’s going on in our nation, it causes us not to interact with our kids and family. We need to talk to our kids about what is going on in our country, but we also need to be with them. Kids can be affected by our response and they can get on the amp wheel too.
What does faithfulness to God look like?
I made a video pleading with our community to not do a protest. (You can see that here.) I struggled with making that video. I had genuine concerns about the protests getting out of hand in our community as we have seen in other areas of the country. I felt very strongly that I needed to make that video. That was my faithfulness for that day. Yesterday, my faithfulness was spending time with my kids. Faithfulness to God can look different on different days.
We are in a global pandemic. So many of us feel like our power has been stripped from us, our opportunities have been stripped from us, and our work has been stripped from us. We were already on the amp wheel before the protests started. How can we participate in peace in our families? How can we participate in peace in the world? How do we start having more conversations and making less declarations?
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